When biblical characters went from zero to a feeling of disbelief or being stunned by something that happened.
If you’ve ever scrolled through Nigerian Twitter or TikTok, you’ve definitely seen the phrase “everywhere go fess blur.” It’s that moment when everything spirals into confusion and disbelief so fast that you can’t even process what’s happening.
Turns out, the Bible is full of these moments.
From prophets encountering wild instructions, to kings watching unbelievable miracles unfold, to disciples trying (and failing) to understand Jesus’s next move, Scripture is packed with scenes where, if it happened today, the only caption would be:
“Everywhere go fess blur”
Here are 7 times the Bible gave us pure fess blur moments.
- When Isaac almost became asun meat for sacrifice
Isaac was jejely on his own when his father told him they were going on a father-son hike. The aim of the hike, he was told, was to offer sacrifices to God. And he happily tag along like a good son that he was. Once or twice on the journey, the bible reported that he kept asking his father what the sacrifice would be, because they had firewood, knife and every other sacrifice instrument, except the sacrifice itself. But his father kept telling him not to worry. Hours later, they reach mountain, prepared an altar and guess what? Naso hin papa bundle am put for altar as sacrifice o. Thank God for the Angel that came fast to show Father Abraham where the camera — ehm sorry ram was standing, before he could sacrifice his own soon.
At that moment way them tie am put for altar sha, everywhere go fess blur for Isaac eyes.
Isaac explaining the ordeal to his friends days later:
- When Moses went to the mountain to collect the 10 commandments and came back to meet the Isrealites with a new god.
One day, Moses went up to the mountain to hear from God and collect 10 commandments for the people of Isrealites. He had written down the new laws on a tablet of stones and was heading back to the camp of Isreal when he began to hear owanbe noise from afar. On getting closer, he discovered, to his utmost shock, that the people he led out of their slave masters hands in Egypt had built an idol and are now worshiping it.
Everywhere fess blur for baba face….he no even know when he smash the two tablet of stones way God give am for mountain.
Them later settle the matter sha, but you see that moment way he fess see wetin hin people turn to, everywhere fess blur for hin eyes
Moses looking at Aaron explaining how the Isrealites forced him to build an idol for them:
3. WHEN SAMSON TOLD DELILAH HIS SECRET AND LOST EVERYTHING
Samson was the strongest man alive. The Anthony Joshua of that time. And he dae use hin strength protect little villages from the grips of the philistines. He also get many babes way he dae eye that time, and one of them was Delilah. One day, while he was resting at the bosom of Delilah, she (Delilah) began to ask him about his strength and where it came from, and guess what? Naso Samson sef start to dae confess hin weakness like person way them dae interview for radio station. As he talk am finish sha, Delilah lure am to sleep and carry scissors cut hin hair way be the source of hin strength. Afterwards, she call hin enemies make them come arrest am as he dae sleep.
The Bible later told us that Samson wasn’t even aware that he has lost his strength. Infact, when he woke up, he thought in his mind that he would go and fight again as before and conquer the philistines.
Na until them bundle bros enter black maria dae go prison before hin eyes clear say problem don occur.
Samson on his way to prison after one or two panelbeating:
4. WHEN JACOB WORKED 7 YEARS FOR RACHEL AND WOKE UP NEXT TO LEAH
Jacob was in serious love for Rachel., The “I’ll do anything for you” type of love. He saw her and told her father Laban that he would love to work 7 years for him in exchange for Rachel’s hand in marriage. Laban agreed, and Jacob worked those 7 years like it was 7 days because love sweet am for body.
Finally, the wedding day came. They did the ceremony, plenty celebration, food, drinks, full owanbe vibes. Jacob entered the tent with his new wife that night, everywhere dark, he did his husband duties and slept off like a satisfied man.
Next morning, Jacob opened his eyes, turned to admire his beautiful Rachel, and saw LEAH staring back at him.
Everywhere fess blur for bros. He went outside to confront his new father-in-law and he was told that according to the customs of the land, he could only marry the elder sister first before the younger one. He later spent another 7 years working for Laban just for another chance to marry Rachel.
Jacob after realizing he was tricked after working 7 years for the wrong sister:
5. WHEN BALAAM’S DONKEY SPOKE BACK TO HIM
Balaam was a prophet, and one day, some people came to hire him to curse the Israelites. God told him not to go, but the money was too good, so Balaam saddled his donkey and went anyway. As he dey travel for road, an angel of the Lord with a sword blocked the path. The donkey saw the angel and stopped moving.
Balaam, who couldn’t see the angel, got vexed and started beating the donkey. The donkey moved to the side, angel still dey there, Balaam beat am again. This happened like three times.
Then the donkey opened its mouth and SPOKE. In human language. “Wetin I do you sef? Why you dey beat me like this?”
Everywhere fess blur for Balaam face. He been don dey argue with the donkey sef before e even register say na donkey just talk.
Balaam after his donkey asked him a valid question in proper English:
6. WHEN THE CITIZENS OF JERICHO WATCHED THEIR WALL FALL DOWN FLAT
The people of Jericho were chilling inside their fortified city. With their thick walls, their strong gates, and their tight security. They heard the Israelites were coming, but they weren’t worried. They just locked their gates and continued their normal life.
Then the Israelites started marching around the city. Day 1, they marched. Day 2, still marching. Day 3, 4, 5, 6—just walking around the city blowing trumpets and saying nothing. Jericho people were watching from the top of the wall like, “These people don craze? Wetin be this nonsense?”
Day 7 came. The Israelites marched around the city SEVEN TIMES. Then they blew the trumpets, the people shouted, and the walls of Jericho, those same fortified, unshakeable walls, collapsed. Flat to the ground just like that.
Everywhere fess blur for Jericho citizens. Because one minute they were safe behind their walls and mocking the Israelites from the top of the wall, the next minute they were on the ground running for their lives.
Random Palace guard at the wall of Jericho after it collapsed :
7. WHEN JOSEPH’S BROTHERS FOUND HIM AGAIN AS PRIME MINISTER
Joseph’s brothers hated him so much that they sold him into slavery and told their father he was dead. They thought they would never see him again.
Years later, famine hit the land. Their father Jacob sent them to Egypt to buy food. They got to Egypt, bowed down before the prime minister to beg for grain, and didn’t even recognize that the prime minister was their own brother Joseph. But Joseph recognized them immediately.
He tested them small, asked them questions, even accused them of being spies. They were shaking, begging, explaining their family situation. Joseph just dey watch them sweat. Finally, he couldn’t hold it anymore. He sent everyone out of the room and revealed himself to them.
Everywhere fess blur for the brothers. Their legs nearly gave out. The brother way dem sell into slavery don turn prime minister?! The same boy way dem throw inside pit don become second-in-command of Egypt?! They wanted to run, but where them wan run go?
Joseph’s brothers after realizing the prime minister na the same brother way dem sell:
So which other everywhere go fess blur moments do you know in the bible?
